[fic] Man Seeking Man

[littledeerxing9]

INFO & TAGS:

WC: 1,230 TAGS: meet cute, craigslist missed connections format, alternating POVs, slice of life, grief, light angst, love at first sight

SUBJECT: MAN (21M) SEEKING MAN — YOU LIKED MY TEARS FOR FEARS SHIRT ON THE RED LINE TRAIN GOING NORTH

I apologize in advance for the wording, I’ve never made a missed connections post. You were sat next to me on the red line Marta train going from College Park To Sandy Springs. You were about my age and your smile was lovely when you leaned over to ask me whether or not that was Roland Orzabal on my shirt. And when I said yes

Your voice was light and energetic.

Jungwon smiled widely as he asked, “So you’re like a ‘ real ’ fan then?” 

Sunghoon chuckled at the tone of his voice, amused and excited underneath the lightness of it. He smiled back, “I was obsessed with them in middle school. I kinda had a crush on Roland growing up.” It’s a little weird to tack on but it seemed like the right thing to say when Jungwon’s laugh rings in his ear.

I only know two things: You had a crush on Roland Orzabal too. And your name was 

Jungwon stuck his hand out then. “I’m Jungwon, I was a Roland lover too in elementary. I think he was my gay awakening actually now that I’m thinking about it.”

Jungwon.

Sunghoon took his hand. “It’s okay. I’m pretty sure he was mine too.”

Jungwon smiled so bright and refreshing, Sunghoon knew he’d dwell on it afterwards. Sunghoon tends to take the smallest things and romanticize them into something larger than life— something grand enough to make a lasting impression. He liked finding a meaning… any meaning in something so it’d have purpose. 

Jungwon had seemed easy enough to mold into something Sunghoon needed but as he had started to daydream already, Jungwon’s knee knocked into his. “Are you from Atlanta?”

Easy. “No,” He sucked in a breath, “Well, not anymore.”

For some reason, it felt easy talking to you. I feel absurd having dumped info onto you upon our first conversation but, you listened. 

I think I needed someone to talk to… About anything…

“Oh, then you’re visiting…”

“My sister,” Sunghoon clicked his tongue as he continued, “She’s the only one I’ve got left.” It felt alright to say. Although, he didn’t tack on that he’s back in town for a funeral or that he was suppose to get off at the Five Points to get to East Lake. He felt the urge to stay put, to continue riding the train until Jungwon got off first. 

The train doors had closed on the Five Points platform and Jungwon offered him a small smile, something you’d tuck into your pocket, kinda smile. Sunghoon smiled back as Jungwon whispered, “Atlanta is kinda overrated anyways.”

And attempt to brush off the heavy tension Sunghoon had set with just a few words. But it worked, Sunghoon giggled as did Jungwon and their knees knocked periodically as the train continued onward. 

You didn’t have to make me laugh. You did. For a pocket of time, it felt like we were friends; Like everything was alright just for those 20 minutes. 

“So Tears For Fears, what your favorite song?” Jungwon had this confidence about him as he leaned back into the window seat. It was just quiet enough to hear him over the other patrons, over the train’s engine but still, Sunghoon had wished they had met in better conditions— somewhere where he could really look at Jungwon, really hear him. 

Again, a confidence in him as he crossed his legs and waited with big sparkly eyes and Sunghoon wished he could feel bold again. His confidence not the best but he leaned back too, crossed his legs too as he pretended to ponder. Sunghoon hummed, “Mother’s Talk, it’s so…” And truly didn’t know in the moment how to say what he wanted; Say that he spent Saturday mornings cleaning the house with his own mother and Yeji, both of them singing their lungs out as it blasted throughout the house. He didn’t know how to express the memories the song held.

But Jungwon blinked, smiled and followed up with: “What version though?”

Sunghoon blinked. “Huh?”

Jungwon laughed. “So there’s Mother’s Talk, right?”

“Right?”

“Right.” Jungwon shook his head, smile widening as he explained, “It's like what four-ish minutes long but then there’s the US mix, the alternative US mix. And if that wasn’t enough for you, the Video version, the short version, the long version which god , that drags out for so fucking long like seriously six minutes of mostly instrumentals. Then we have early mix, and the beat of the drum mix.”

Sunghoon couldn’t fully understand why there’s an uncurling tightness in chest when Jungwon lists off the versions but it felt good. He hummed. They felt like friends, just for a bit.

I could tell by my answer that it wasn’t the right one.

“Just the regular mix?” Jungwon said. There was a slight edge to his tone and Sunghoon had smiled widely. 

He shrugged. “Yeah, not really into all the other mixes, which is not to say they’re bad, I’ve just clocked more hours listening to the regular mix. My mom had the just standard version of the CD and I didn’t even get to hear the others until highschool.”

Jungwon had pursed his lips as he nodded. “No, Okay, Valid.”

Sunghoon knocked their knees. “What about you, Jungwon, your favorite?” 

Jungwon’s eyes lit up.

I thought I had loved music a lot but nothing had compared to the way you talked about music. I’ve never been passionate about something the way you were. 

“Head over heels,” Jungwon’s voice garners power. “The Dave mix. It’s perfect. It’s everything to me in a lot of ways.”

Sunghoon nodded as Jungwon talked. Briefly, he thought it would be nice to hear Jungwon talk about anything for any amount of time if it meant he wasn’t alone with his own thoughts. “Music is powerful and Head over heels is so… perfect . It’s just perfect. I cannot imagine ever being so in love, so in over yourself that you start to doubt yourself and how people perceive you. And god, Roland’s voice…”

I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to be friends with someone so much— to be so close to someone as I had in that moment. I don’t think you’d realize how a minor interaction would affect my mood. The funeral was easier to bare because I didn’t have to be a grieving son in front of you. Thank you, Jungwon. 

The train intercom lets them know Sandy Springs is next. Jungwon had sat up, “Oh, my stop is next.” 

Sunghoon leaned away as Jungwon slid past him, it’s only then that Sunghoon caught the Tears for Fears pins on Jungwon’s messenger bag. Jungwon’s smile is bigger the final time and his laugh is mischievous as he let Sunghoon look over the pins. The train slows and Jungwon lingered for a second longer, “Well, Tears for Fears, maybe one day, I’ll see you riding the red line again. It was nice meeting you.”

Sunghoon lets himself smile hard. “Definitely.”

As the train door closed on Jungwon waving, Sunghoon realized he hadn’t told him his name. He doesn’t end up dwelling on it later because he doesn’t have the time to but…

Maybe we’ll see each other again on the red line. 

Yours Truly, Sunghoon Park.